beauty like the sparkling sea...its gentle breeze your calming aura of feminity
2/10/2008 - SECOND HEARTBEAT
We keep writing, talking and planning, but everything's changing, We all know what to do but no one does it, Now this time has passed and full of regret, Two in my heart have left me a while, I stand alone, When they get back, it won't be the same, never be the same, My life, you've always been there, Now you're gone and my heads spinning, Left the childhood, left the memories, left the good times in the past, Moving on your time has run out, Wishing the clock would stand still, the world can wait, Wasting away once again, once lived as friends,
As time passes by, regrets for the rest of my life, The ones who I confide were gone in the black of the night,
Never will I forget you, and all the memories past, So rarely I get to see your face, Growing I looked to you in guidance. We knew that time would kill us, but you're still so close to me,
To me you were my life, To me you were my soul companion, Now you are so far away, Nothing can take away the time and the memories we had, Come back - to the days when we were young Come back - to the days when nothing mattered to the days when nothing mattered
And I feel time passes by, regrets for the rest of my life, The ones who I confide were gone in the black of the night
As time passes by, regrets for the rest of my life, The ones who I confide were gone in the black of the night.
words escape me as much as time confunded me in our last memorable moment of intimacy. thoughts cant pacify my insatiable desire to reverse the course of time, as fervent dreams parade through in fantastical sequences of fairy tale endings- it was either entirely fastiduous falsified thinking or a immoral consequence on her endeavour in a selfish demeanour. you know who you are; your signs of maturity in youth coursing through your veins as you ventured into unchartered waters; even beating age long cliches en route to a really touching display of emotion. i was too dumbstruck that day, oh alas i was far too much in lagging disarray, still clinging on to my immaturity, my slow transition to adulthood. on that day, that day the cake was given to be to eat it; the day the stage was set, the curtains rolled open and a fanfare being played; i should have took centrestage, and held your hand aloft to the heavens in nodes of bliss euphoric in pure joy. for a gem you really are, and i never met anyone so valuable and so priceless.
the day i seeked fresh pastures, i squandered a life of lush meadows of greenery.
oh ye fateful day, ill recollect till the skies turned grey.
someone just commented today on how he only realized how much he wanted something only when it was taken away from him. And now it seems nothing can pacify him more than getting it back. I guess its been the same old familiar story not just for him but for most people as well. Im no exception, with a two year regret still weighing down on me for the second day straight. Not now surely? Not when what i need is a new life a clear head and a chance to move on to something better. Surely not another one of those long lamentable emo sessions. But it just slowly but surely started niggling into me, consuming me within. And there is nothing to do about it but just let this feeling run away amidst faint hopes that she will remember the moment she gave me which i just threw it away with all the naviety anyone can bring. Honestly, its either long forgotten or long discarded, but that moment we shared will continue to plague me forever for what might have been. What might have been had i been not so innocent oblivious and young. It was truly a gift for me, and i was too stunned to receive it. What could have been the best thing to happen to my life became a what if in an instant. God lest she forget, if she does which is most probably, bless my little pathetic soul, ready to be purged by you into the oblivion. And then all will be gone and lost forever, and my pain will at long last be liberated.
it was the day my senses failed. A day etched in memory of lost love and time. The newfound bliss of fresh youthfulness kindled in unprecedented instinctal tandem. Summoning the amount of confidence as a testimony of modern time, going against the grain of generations of gender discrimination and prejudice was never going to be easy, and despite ample proof of modern degeneration of this stance her required energy and work was really very commendable. And so i live on to remember that fateful day, the day the norm was thrown out of the form book. My guess was my storied slow development of my youth, and or frankly i was simply stunned as a greenhorn, not knowing what else to do besides stoning in shock as the butterflies felt her arms around me. I was never prepared for that day, one that i learnt the hard way, with a slow painstakingly pang of cold regret, for it was served to me on a golden platter and i was blinded in search of another. Now that was a couple of years ago, but from then on, physics lesson was never the same again. And i felt like daggers piercing my skin how ignorant i must have been, and the pain of realizing the true value of a person was never realized to me. Till it was too late. The thought of what might have been, what should have been, but what was never meant to be. I besot myself a lost chance and an eternity of regret, and panned out a wrongfully shockingly abject dismissal on a bringer of love and joy. And her smiles continue to bind me in the chains of past, etching me in blinding light for what blindness i had possessed, empowering me in a realm of mystified envy and nullified remorse. What was mine to embrace i can only dream, and in my dream to make amends ill make sure its a dream staying put. And i will hold her hand and walk the path of the dreamers plane, till death till us part, or till death till us apart. I wish her the best of luck, although i don think she needs it at the moment, and i will await the day; and i will look past my burning wounds and the pains of growing up late; and i will finally lay to rest what my words escaped me a couple of years ago; whether for better or for worse.
Some people might think serving the nation is a catalyst for an excessive build up of testosterone filled lust ready to be liberated once freedom is ensured. I tell you most solemly, its really a time for quiet reflection, catching up with people while trying not to make them suspicious of wrong intentions, and playback life so far to see where the rails came off ready laid tracks..
And so i live in faith and hope from angsty seizure moments from time passed to another, in hope to express a delayed action i was too shocked to consider, and i hope it shall be understood, for only then; i can finally grow up lessened of burdened regrets. Lets hope she remember...that fateful day of first year semester...where I lost the plan and the plot. And i must let it be known, i had yearned to get it back.
and my strengths of bliss abode a limit, one which in time parted through accentuated cracks. like sordid weak plaster peppering damp walls, it collapsed in one cold sweep of realization. for others its a transition, for me its a circular perambulation. one where i cant find its end, and with it my fresh beginning. my last breath? my last sane moments of clinging on reality?
before it all cascades into a irrevocable desolate. ill miss even those thin rays of warmth in borrowed time. ill draw from it what necessary to surmount my grasping dying breath. its movements bearing down like chains on my feet. and ill live crawling till i die standing.
god, i know i have forsaken you. in many ways in recent times. its time to come home. for the dream is there to lay the foundations, and the bricks are there to be laid. can i lay them down finally? and wrestle away eventually my obstacles and psychological demons?
its time, to stand up and be counted. and be a someone, for someone, for everyone.
the tuscan sun earnestly set in italian backfall, a place of tranquil peace and dreamt aspirations. a source of hope perharps, of much possiblilty as stopping time.
fate. synonymous in turn like the rising sun, unstoppable, irrevocable.
how to fathom a positive diffusion? one less of insatiable bliss and delight, but of cosmic relief, and freedom from phases of temporary facades?
the irksome linger in the mind, the exhaustion tires every muscle and bone, but yet things stagnate in place and time, art thou paying debts on a previous life?
one of niggling pain and misery, one of rigid hesitation and atrocity, where all the dreams aspired a mere fantasy, is it too hard to dream of mere mediocrity???
a determined stance, a calming pretence, it will all fade away, haunting, taunting, manifesting.
its been awhile since i felt the need to recollect whats in sight. things have been in too much of a way for black and white. its just simply the way things are these days: hectic, mindless, and meaningless. its been that kind of tired pessimism and drowned sorrow that even to harp in its wallowed energy needs a huge effort to do. you really really want to feel the ascension again, that moment where you were on top for the world. for many its sweetness comes more often than others, and for the norm you get your fair share of those. thats why society is unkind to people who havent had their lucky breaks, believed to be evened out in the end. praytell, i hope those unlucky souls find a way to banish the overwhelming odds, and the relentless sense of helplessness: where the only way to taste its sweetness is in pockets of its adrenaline driven satisfaction, but all is known to be dark and miserable inside.
truth be told it was probably deserved what needs to be salvaged from created disarray, and it probably be a mountain to climb. at least the clearance to climb it has been done, but really the problem stemms deeper than what is seen. and even in nonchalant casual remarks that are as unexpected as yesterday or at the downturn of events deep down its known to start from deeper and furthur within, infesting the very fortunes from the very beginning.
and it is beginning to show. it musnt be allowed to fester but knowing it is one way to conquer. something must be done. something must stop it, before its too late.
and in order not to condemn the writing on the wall, lets hope the confidence and stance will rule it all, and fight whats hampered it to the bitter end. for whatever the outcome good or bad,
I have sailed the world beheld its wonders from the dardinells, to the mountains of Peru, But there's no place like London!
Sweeney Todd
No place like London...
Antony (spoken)
Mr. Todd, sir
Sweeney Todd
You are young... Life has been kind to you... You will learn.
Sweeney Todd (sung) There's a whole in the world like a great black pit and the vermin of the world inhabit it and its morals aren't worth what a pin can spit and it goes by the name of London. At the top of the hole sit the previlaged few Making mock of the vermin in the lonely zoo turning beauty to filth and greed... I too have sailed the world and seen its wonders, for the cruelty of men is as wonderous as Peru but there's no place like London! -- There was a barber and his wife and she was beautiful... a foolish barber and his wife. She was his reason for his life... and she was beautiful, and she was virtuous. And he was nieve. There was another man who saw that she was beautiful... A biased vulture of the law who, with a gesture of his claw removed the barber from his plate! And there was nothing but to wait! And she would fall! So soft! So young! So lost and oh so beautiful!
Antony (spoken)
The lady, sir, did she, sir, come?
Sweeney Todd (sung)
Ah, that was many years ago... I doubt if anyone would know. (spoken) Now leave me, Antony. There is somewhere I must go, something i must find out. Now, and alone.
Antony (spoken)
But surely we will meet again before I am off to Plymouth?
Sweeney Todd (spoken)
If you want you may well find me around Fleet Street. I wouldn't wander. (sung) There's a hole in the world like a great black pit and it's filled with people who are filled with shit! And the vermin of the world inhabit it!
~080108~ went to watch sweeney todd the demon barber at fleet street with shermaine today at tm. was nice to meet her again, fancy her teaching now haha. the show was really refreshing in my opinion. a typically english play style of movie, it was a change from the boring stereotypical movies we see nowadays. and the plot was nice too. except maybe some people may not like the gore( rachel might agree). but i think it was great. sweeney todd, or rather benjamin barker, well what he did is pure human frustrations by swinging his blades around, and i can understand i feel like doing that sometimes myself. ah wells. it left me a good impression, similar to the one V for Vendetta gave me. ah wells. then went to look for a motorbike helmet for shermaine, shes taking lessons thats why. alas! the shops all closed. ah well. ended up going to starbucks at simei to chill for a while. then we went off and i met alkhaff, hisham and ashiq. haven seen them for bloody long time la seriously. it was nice to see them again. played command and conquer for about 4 hours. it was fun this time coz we were getting good at it! haha. then it was a scramble to take the last bus home. for me though, i dunno what to feel anymore about going home. tired? exapperated? or just plain siann. i dunno. but thank god there are still these bros to keep me going.
ben barker shows what we need to do sometimes. he really does.
the best form of defense is attack.
and so i know it will inevitable end this way. but i cant say im not disappointed.
A lonely road, crossed another cold state line Miles away from those I love purpose hard to find While I recall all the words you spoke to me Can't help but wish that I was there Back where I'd love to be, oh yeah
Dear God the only thing I ask of you is to hold her when I'm not around, when I'm much too far away We all need that person who can be true to you But I left her when I found her And now I wish I'd stayed ’Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired I'm missing you again oh no Once again
There's nothing here for me on this barren road There's no one here while the city sleeps and all the shops are closed Can't help but think of the times I've had with you Pictures and some memories will have to help me through, oh yeah
Dear God the only thing I ask of you is to hold her when I'm not around, when I'm much too far away We all need that person who can be true to you I left her when I found her And now I wish I'd stayed ’Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired I'm missing you again oh no Once again
Some search, never finding a way Before long, they waste away I found you, something told me to stay I gave in, to selfish ways And how I miss someone to hold when hope begins to fade...
A lonely road, crossed another cold state line Miles away from those I love purpose hard to find
Dear God the only thing I ask of you is to hold her when I'm not around, when I'm much too far away We all need the person who can be true to you I left her when I found her And now I wish I'd stayed ’Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired I'm missing you again oh no Once again
13/1/2008 - Manchester United 6 Newcastle United 0
went to chijmes today to watch chelsea v spurs and man u v newcastle with jialin, maw and yao guang last evening till this morning. was pretty fun. i think everyone sort of enjoyed themselves. was jialin's birthday yesterday haha. Happy Sweet 19! :) haha. wow she is really 19 already haha. im barely 18 lol. anyways, went back to chijmes to the place where we watched Man Utd v Bolton the last time with wan hsin and co. but thank god it was a far better result than the 0-1 shock defeat that day. in fact, it was bizzare. it was a 6-0 win to united!! you wouldnt have expected it really, especially with the halftime score of 0-0. the stage was set for a perfect day though, as arsenal slipped up to birmingham earlier in the day too. and yeah it turned sweet in the most bizzare way! 6 goals 3 by ronaldo, it was like a birthday gift for jialin haha. you deserve it girl !! =) so we are top of the table! poor maw, poor newcastle! lol. then walked to macs which the rest werent too pleased with my suggestion as it was far! haha. ended up at shaw macs, and alas we saw trannies! lol, they very eyesore leh. lol. poor ang mos fell for the trap too! lol. maw was squirming all the way! then took the mrt and bus back home heh. what a day! but sianz have to book in today :( haix, need to get things sorted at the moment. i hope things turn better really, ah well.
i'm glad i got to understand what it all meant today. and i'm blessed to know a friend like you, i really am. god bless :)
Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over
I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time But I'm too young to worry These streets we travel on will undergo our same lost past
I found you here, now please just stay for a while I can move on with you around I hand you my mortal life, but will it be forever? I'd do anything for a smile, holding you 'til our time is done We both know the day will come, but I don't want to leave you
I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time But I'm too young to worry (a melody, a memory, or just one picture)
Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over
Newborn life replacing all of us, changing this fable we live in No longer needed here so where do we go? Will you take a journey tonight, follow me past the walls of death? But girl, what if there is no eternal life?
I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time But I'm too young to worry (a melody, a memory, or just one picture)
Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over
Trials in life, questions of us existing here, don't wanna die alone without you here Please tell me what we have is real
So, what if I never hold you, yeah, or kiss your lips again? Woooaaah, so I never want to leave you and the memories of us to see I beg don't leave me
Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over
Trials in life, questions of us existing here, don't wanna die alone without you here Please tell me what we have is real
Silence you lost me, no chance for one more day [x2 then continues in the background] I stand here alone Falling away from you, no chance to get back home I stand here alone Falling away from you, no chance to get back home
shortly after my last entry i could feel it coming. the surge of fervent energy. and i was going crazy in front of the tv. i guess i started talking crazy too huh. lol. by the time the liverpool v porto match came, i couldnt take it no more. it was like cold turkey. somehow it was MCR peering through the mayhem in my mind. It was just one of those crazy things, and i knew i just had to watch them! haha.
my fervent energy in the night made me wake up late today. supposed to meet wenling and curry puff at half ten. turned out they called me at 11 while i was still in bed. haix. got to sort that out. haha. so didnt meet at tampines then. went to take the train to meet them at jurong east instead, they wanted to go IMM. HAHA. I met tze kiat on the train. haha. so coincidental sia. he was going for angklung practice at SP. haha. ask me go for alumni but i said stupid MINDEF laa. lol. then i met them at Jurong East MRT. and i realized how i really had missed them, it was really really good to see them again. I rememeber that time, and how it turned out, and i wont forget. so there, we went shopping for a while before stopping for lunch. Wenling cannot decide between this and that la! hahaha. now i can see whats so amusing about shopping. LOL! was really really fun today, especially going to the daiso 2 bucks shop and watch them search for the biggest bargains and cutest displays. it was really like the old times huh haha =) then went back to tampines where i dropped off with wenling. she likes cool songs too :) and she liked afterlife too haha! LOL! was a pity it ended pretty quickly. i never taken a quicker train ride across the island before. and as i walked away from her after our goodbye, i hope ill see her again. and i hope we can relive the old times once more. its amazing how enriching a shopping trip can be =) Cheers mates!
met Nicholas GN by coincidence at Tampines Mall shortly afterwards. Just so happened to be in the neighbourhood. haha. had dinner sorta. got to claim my free pasta from pastamania, and we sat down to chat for a while. yet another reliving of the old times. Samuel should have been there heh. haha nantha still as imaginative (pervertic and analytical) as usual. HAHA! ah wells. Nantha had to go home and read his new books, so i scurried off to bugis to book the MCR concert.
many calls and organizing later, MCR concert, 11 december, Max Pavillion, Singapore Expo 8 pm. SET! haha. i couldnt say how satisfying that was. i just had to go or i was going crazy. sounds crazy enough but they are helluva good! haha. then met komar at Paradiz and played pool and lan for a while. yeah its good to keep yourself occupied instead of rotting home at home yea haha. even komar was shocked that bolton beat man u la haix. what a day for them to win too, when i so happen to decide to try and intensify the festivities and the atmosphere. instead it turned abit siann. haix. ah wells.
im torn for tmr. Fencing Farewell at serangoon gardens at 7 pm. The Cage at Kallang 5-7 pm. i just cant miss both. guess ill be a little late for the farewell.
If only i really knew what i was doing instead of doing what i really only know. whatever things fate need to bestow, i hope it comes true =)
28/11/2007 - au revior, CJC Prom Night 2007, Meritus Mandarin
and so the final day came. the official end to the 2 year tenure in CJC. I must say it has been exhilirating to say the least, not to mention a scintillating roller coaster ride. I didnt imagine how much of my character has been changed since secondary school. I can feel it now. The callous approach and fervent energy, coupled with a undeniable lust for danger. where did that innocence disappear to? or the strict adhereing of the normal student protocol. its been fun, its been one hell of a ride. and i cant say its been wrong at all, its been one to love and relish. and for now, im content with living the memory, and im not willing to let it go so soon. sweet 18!
prom began by rushing and scurrying all my things ready by half 2 last afternoon. then went to drop my things at my friend's place, there were a fair few of us there and we chilled abit before they went for a haircut. prom started about an hour later than stated, and by the time we got there half an hour later we were still early with all the throngs of our fellow school mates. it was rather astonishing and unusual to see them dressed so formally, especially linus and daniel's worth mentioning for their warlock hat and european violinist outfit. guess they were running for best dress haha. as i began looking at the many faces, many for the last in a long time, i settled to find my mates. our mates were rather content to settle with just chilling about behind where it was all happening, and it took us long to adjorn to the venue of out prom, where yellow dripping tapes under a HOLLYWOOD decor resembled the entrance and the theme of the evening. our table was a tad disappointing, we were blocked by the pillars and was right at the back. ah wells, its all for the company that night. the entertainment might have been dour, it might have been not as feisty as the st pats one in 2005, but hey, im not complaning. took as many photos as i could, and i must regret not taking with some, ah wells. and soon, it was all over, and i didnt believe it at first, but it was deja vu and goodbye. people became more sentimental, especially my mate dominic, who followed me from my primary school all the way to now. ive become accustomed to see all those familiar faces, knowing now our paths may not cross for a while. it was one special night in a way, but one that ended with a rather abrupt sense of deja vu.
went back to my mate's place for a while before heading for post prom at dxo. the club brought back the energy that has left me most of the year. and it was good making up for lost time. it was great feeling every rhythem and beat pulsating through my body, a feeling that hasnt really been in me since i last went. in short, it was fun, but it didnt last long enough, and ended quite early unfortunately. ah well, cant really expect the school post party to go full flow can it. or maybe it should. ah well. then went back to my mates place and my PES 2008 IS IMPROVING! haha. before we knew it, it was close to ten this morning, and i took the bus 14 home...passing by town...THE CJ haunt ill miss...the meritus mandarin...it was quiet now, like as if yesterday never happened....down nicoll highway...the stadium...and then i knew i was home...shuffling my footsteps through the doorway....knowing i left another big milestone of memory behind...
P.S Hancai next time dilute the vodka for urself k? dun get drunk again. HAHA. PP.S I wan go kbox! PPP.S I wan watch MCR leh.
Brandon Wong DOB:12 Nov 1989 E-mail:brandon_wong89@hotmail.com School: Catholic Junior College (2T35) Hobbies: Soccer,Tennis, Cycling, Pool.. Supports: Manchester United Ferrari Rafael Nadal Avenged Sevenfold
