The search for the inevitable never ceases for as long as one breathes. The certainty of an answer lies in the hands of time and fate – one truly unfathomable to the point of anxious wait. When others perceive the circumstance a folly and useless pursuit of selfish gains there lays one soul whose tremendous heart is full of heaving hope and endless longing that fires up his being for that one true love few who walked this earth have ever found. His quest for the love immortal moves on as his journey never ends. The long wait has just begun and the brave soul prepares for the ride of his life.

For the countless unwritten thoughts in our hearts and unspoken word from our hearts nothing could ever be painful as the pent up emotions stuck somewhere in your aorta or in between your atria and valves, hindering the normal flow of blood and its circulation within the body, causing chest pains and mild loss of consciousness as the brain suffers the loss of precious oxygen in the process.

What has physiology got to do with any of these? Nothing really, except for when tear ducts can no longer hold the fluids which they contain, therefore releasing them in a form of water droplets to the beat of a woman’s sobs and heartaches.

The body seems to be reacting to the emotions or maybe not. Maybe the body brings out the emotions or is it just the mind? Remember how the brain is the seat of all emotions and thought processes, some part of it called hippocampus, and then therefore it is not the heart that makes us cry when in pain, that which we call weak for when we’re in love but the brain!

Just like when in a situation that calls for tears to fall, if you only think hard enough and analyze critically the scenario, you have a conscious option to cry or not to, such that if you do cry it is not the heart that dictates it because you feel the pain but it is in fact the brain!

Puzzling isn’t it?  Such is the wonder of the human body, the complexity in which we live and the nature of our ways that still amazes us to this day.

A Tribute to You Who Speaks of Evil...

In this world where everyone doubts or hates everyone else there is no question people would doubt or hate you. Not only because you are not what they expect you to be but sometimes you get into their nerves for just being around them and being who you are.

You are that pesky little brat who wants to prove himself right at all times and prove others wrong. You thrive in the failure and defeat of others. You dwell in their miseries for they become your source of merriment and victory. You are that one source of doom in people whose lives are governed by your tyranny. You evoke mutiny on all lands that you tread.

You are the evil that destroys all that is good. Your wretchedness spreads in the midst of the colony like disease lurking in our biological system. You are that virus in a pill that supposedly treats the illness. You are a pathological mess and though you know it you deny it and rejoice in that knowledge! You are sick for you are sickness itself.

How could you aim at ruining other people´s lives when you have a life of your own to devastate? How could you pick on other´s backyard when you have a mess of your own you haven´t fixed?

Too bad not a lot may have noticed the corruption from within you. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe many have known but are too afraid to come out because of the influence you have on some prominent others. Or maybe because of your tongue you lash out at people just almost everywhere you go and at every spot you see in your own eyes as erroneous.

Truly no matter how despicable you are you still seemed to be all-knowing and goody with just a select few - those who fear you enough not to oppose you or probably those who know you too well to tolerate you and let you be or those who were convinced by your gift of gab and supposed sensibility.

As for the many that do not believe in you or are not all-too-willing to be persuaded by your arrogant intellect, I guess they shrug it off casually and let you pass them by. Your words will not mar them, nor malign their lives. You will be an insignificant thorn in their way, only to prick them for a while and cause a drop of blood but nothing more. You will be a mere flu to be rid of with medication and prevented with shots, a foreign object in the air passage to be sneezed out, a toxic waste to be expelled from the body, a foul bolus of foodstuff to be vomited, nothing more.   

Though they will not belittle you for who you are, they will not allow you to vilify them nonetheless. This is the word of the many, those whom you punctured minutely, as an act of tribute to the being that has in one way or another caused a percussion of unnatural preventable events just because you have unnecessarily intervened.

Henceforth, thou shalt not speak of evil; thou shalt not speak of you.

if i had the chance to rewrite history

if i had the chance to change the world

would i do it?

what would the lines on my palm tell?

what would the past hide?

what would my present be like?

what would the future have in store?

For me and you, you and i?

With life as hasty and as elaborately complicated as this it’s no wonder the body wears out almost instantaneously as combustible wood on fire. With the way I sucked a couple of times throughout the entire duration of the show I’m still glad to have the compliments for a good or shall we say authentically unusual introduction of David Lowe " Microsoft’s Senior Product Manager, Microsoft Windows Server Division, Microsoft Corporation.

Kiss me like you’ve never kissed before

Thrill me with your adventurous soul

Pull me out of gravity’s force

Show me the way to lose control

Do me like you’ve never before

Tie me behind your open door

Touch me deep down into the core

Dig me, unearth my fiery hole

Love me like you’ve never loved before

Lust me, desire for me even more

Cast me into your sole inferno

Throw me stares I cannot live without

Push me until I scream and shout

Thrust me until you climax out

Shake me until your body numbs

Suck me until I succumb

Feel me like I’m the only one

Feed me like the only one

Make me your only one

Take me my only one

Trust me to bring you joy

Mock me never I am no toy

Cool me whenever I heat up

Warm me when I cool down

Lose me never to someone else

Keep me forever for yourself

Hold me so warmly in your arms

Look me sweetly with your loving eyes

Own me forever in your heart

Taste me and eat me with delight

Have me, all body heart and soul

Love me from now and forevermore

I finally realized how people had been having misconceptions about me. Not because I have two jobs that I have more pennies in my pocket. Maybe I am indebted more and so I need the coins more. Not because I’m seen on television that I’m making a hefty sum. Maybe I am there solely for the love of it and by the chance of luck that I am entrusted a great responsibility not everyone has the opportunity to undertake regardless the monetary benefits the other job provides. Not because people think I am popular that I really am known. Maybe so many I’ve walked past by hardly even notice I’m there. Not because I am me that I am happy and whole.  Maybe there are undefined sorrows and frustrations that mark my existence. Not because I have achieved much that I dream less. For sure there are many roads I’ve yet to travel whether it leads me to the truth and ultimate satisfaction. Maybe there are so many things people have mistaken me for or that maybe only they saw those things in me. One thing though is for sure " I am my own being and no one can take that away from me and no influence is strong enough to change me otherwise.

When the stars in the heavens unite to form a constellation and the latter combines with others of its kind to create a galaxy, what could your star and mine do in that certain place and time? How do you count the days as they pass you by? How do you wrap the moment in between your fingers? How do you sway the waves from the shore? How do you tell the wind to stop blowing? How do you tell the mind to stop thinking? How do you tell the lungs to stop breathing?  How do you tell the heart to stop beating? How do you extinguish the burning passion? How fo you kill that which gives you life (awww… how ironic!)? How do I tell you to stop? How do you want me to perish into thin air?  How do you cease natural aging even? How do you satisfy the hunger? How do you quench the thirst? Again, how do you stop the longing? How do you kill love? How do you do it? Pray tell how.

... THE MBK SAGA ...

Sa likod sa mapaniid nga mata sa camera mao kining sugilanon sa mga managhigalang gisuwayan sa panahon. Ang makasaysayong panagbayloay og pulong og buhat nga daw sa pelikula pa napuno sa drama... apan... puno pod sa gugma.

In my victory I lost. I hypothesized a calculated risk would grant me unending glory, that I would never face defeat but I was wrong. Little did I know that the amount of energy I spent to lift me up to the pedestal was doubled, even tripled to pull me down to the lowest of grounds. I belittled the power of karma, the retaliation of a broken heart, the mirroring of my deed. I hurt and get hurt in return.

His sobs were stabs of a hundred knives onto my chest. I bleed for each drop of tear that falls down from his eyes swollen from days of crying. I choke to the sound of his slurred speech, words I can barely decipher, as there were more sobbing than talking.

I thought I’ve heard enough but each time a word of love and tireless wait comes out of his mouth I hear him slowly breaking down and I find myself with wet cheeks, blurry eyes and heavy breathing to the rhythm of his own. I knew then we were one in spirit. My wall had fallen as I was into tears.

His world was shattered by my painful decision. He was the heartbroken and lost. I was the cause. I only warned him so several times before that this could happen. He ignored it the first and many times over. It was never my intention but I knew somehow it was to happen. I just didn’t have enough courage to set him free until days ago.

He was as fragile as a blossom crushed by the hands of time and a heartless spectator. He was a child lost to wander in the wild devoid of maternal care and love. He was a cloud swayed afar by the merciless wind.

I was the spectator, I was the mother and I was the wind. I caused him pain which I inflicted upon myself. In my conquest of fighting for what is morally right I have won but in the conquest of my greatest fear and in my quest for eternal love and happiness I lost.

I have learned that age does not come in numbers. It only is determined by the strength of your own true character, the untouchable steadfastness of your will, the soundness of your decisions, the compassion of your heart and the goodness of your soul.

Age brings out the sweetness of wine, the strength of its spirit and its palatability to the tongue. It tests the resiliency of bamboos and the tallest of sycamore trees. It appreciates the hurdles of Father Time and surpasses them with a sweet smile.

Age is by mere fact an attitude, a lifestyle.

-I wrote this sometime after my 25th birthday, realizing that there are many things that might define our coming of age but that there are certain things that hold true as we grow in our years of existence and in the hope that our wisdom had somewhat grown parallel to our experience.

Rise and fall, inhale and exhale

Expand and deflate, up and down

Beat for every second that passes

Breathe for every but pulsating

Eyes half-shut, half-open

Brows that meet halfway

When things are heard spoken

Forehead wrinkling to my little noise

Eyes opening to my every move

Little snores to thunderous yawns

The peaceful sleep in which he spawns

Little by little hands inching for grasp

Skin to skin touching hand to hand

Resting in slumber thou shalt not awaken

Gihidlaw ko

Ang dagway nga maaninag sa adlaw

Gihunahuna ko

Ang kaagi nga walay sama

Giampo ko

Nga sa kangitngit hinaot makaplagan

Ang kasingkasing ko

Nga gibutyag ang tukmang gibati

Gihandom ko

Ang katahum sa imong espiritu

Gipangandoy ko

Nga sa untop nga panahon

Mahikam ko

Ang katakos sa gugma mo

Gisakit ko

And pag-antos sa kamingaw

Gipas-an ko

Ang kasakit sa imong dughan

Gipangandoy ko

Sa hangin ang gihinam sa kasingkasing

Gipanghinaot ko

Nga makapaabot ka sa kadugay

I sleep. I nap. I blink my eyes close. I dream of dreams never realized. I wander in that void, of dark and unknown depths. I float in the vastness of empty space and unlimited heights. I fall into the abyss of nothingness and saw my life passing my by. I fall into a deep slumber one could barely wake up from. I saw an image of fear and of letting go. I faced that which I dreaded and conquered my weakness.

My breath grew heavy, exhilarating the blood rushing through my veins. My head grew weary, unable to take all of it. My body became limo and numb to my feel. I feel nothing. I think nothing. I fear nothing. I do nothing. I am weightless, meandering through the valley of darkness.

I am floating again. My breathing grew steadily calm. Pulsations have long gone. I rested. I slept. I dreamt.